tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-76823302579893424052024-03-13T05:31:52.253+05:30Jokes or Cerita LucuGuyonan,humor,ngocol,ndagel dalam bahasa Indonesia/Inggris. Kumpulan dari yang terserak. [E-mail,Milis,Guyonan Kantor,etc]Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.comBlogger97125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-53888256296743661612007-06-01T00:37:00.000+05:302007-06-07T17:00:06.696+05:30I DIDN'T RECOGNISE YOUA 45 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.<br /><br />Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth! The full package and since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.<br /><br />After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.<br /><br />Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?" God replied: "I didn't recognise you." =))<br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-25426512978301868482007-06-01T00:35:00.000+05:302007-06-07T17:00:26.252+05:30KEEPING MYSELF PUREThis guy in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.<br /><br />"No thank you," she said politely." "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />"That must be rather difficult," the man replied.<br /><br />"Oh, I don't mind too much," she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset." =))<br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-4434450332386273472007-06-01T00:34:00.000+05:302007-06-07T17:00:52.605+05:30HOLDING THE BABYA woman got on a bus holding a baby. The busdriver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.<br /><br />The man sympathized and said "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."<br /><br />"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."<br /><br />"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey." =))<br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-42286892377589435472007-06-01T00:31:00.000+05:302007-06-07T17:01:13.484+05:30OBSERVING THE BABYObserving The Baby One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, scepticism.<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. "A penny for your thoughts," she said.<br /><br />"It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50." =))<br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-60272277527675724652007-06-01T00:30:00.000+05:302007-06-07T17:01:35.253+05:30THE POPE ON TOURThe Pope has just finished a tour of Napa Valley and is taking a limousine to San Francisco. Having never driven a limo, the Pope asks the chauffeur if he might drive for a while. Well, the chauffeur doesn't have much choice, so he climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel.<br /><br />The Pope proceeds down Silverado, and starts accelerating to see what the limo can do. He gets to about 90 mph, and suddenly he sees the red and blue lights of a CHP cruiser in his mirror. He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window.<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />The trooper, seeing who it is, says, "Just a moment please, I need to call in."<br /><br />The trooper calls in and asks for the Chief. He tells the Chief that he's got a REALLY important person pulled over, and asks how to handle it.<br /><br />"It's not Ted Kennedy again, is it?" asks the Chief.<br /><br />"No Sir!" replies the trooper, "This guy's more important."<br /><br />"Is it the governor?"<br /><br />"No! Even more important!"<br /><br />"Is it the PRESIDENT?"<br /><br />"No! Even more important!"<br /><br />"Well, WHO THE HECK is it?" screams the Chief.<br /><br />"I don't know, Sir," replies the trooper, "But he's got the Pope as his chauffeur! =))<br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-24470711787232747962007-06-01T00:28:00.000+05:302007-06-07T17:01:56.848+05:30WALKING THE BRICKOnce there was a police man and one day on duty he saw a man with a brick on a leash. Being the man that he was he went over and said to the man and said nice dog you got there.<br /><br />The man replied, "it's not a dog its a brick dumb ass!"<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />The policeman said "I'm really sorry for wasting your time" feeling embarrassed and strolled away quickly.<br /><br />When the policeman was out of site the man bent down and whispered to the brick: "Got him there didn't we Rover?" =))<br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-31008506329430624062007-06-01T00:27:00.000+05:302007-06-07T17:02:18.054+05:30THE CORNIEST POLICE JOKE EVER 2!A policeman is driving along the road when he gets an urgent message on his radio telling him there has been a dead body found in an ice cream van just down the road.<br /><br />He rushes to the scene where he discovers a man's body, with chocolate flakes up each nostril, raspberry sauce all over his head and he is covered from head to toe in hundreds and thousands.<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />A puzzled onlooker asks the policeman what he thinks has happened, to which the policeman replies:<br /><br />"It looks like he's topped himself" =))<br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-47423056141117647312007-06-01T00:26:00.000+05:302007-06-07T17:02:36.892+05:30THE CORNIEST POLICE JOKE EVER!A man walks into the sheriff's office... "I want to become a deputy!"<br /><br />"Good, I want to you to catch this man" says the sheriff handling the man a wanted poster.<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />The poster reads : 'Last seen wearing a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, and brown paper boots.'<br /><br />"What's he wanted for?" asked the hopeful yound man.<br /><br />"Rustling." =))<br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-13527020799042451532007-06-01T00:23:00.000+05:302007-06-07T17:02:56.294+05:30TWO DUMB TRUCKERSWhile driving along the back roads of a small town, two truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read CLEARANCE 11'3". They got out and measured their rig, which was 12'4".<br /><br />"What do you think?" one asked the other.<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. "Not a cop in sight. Let's take a chance!" =))<br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-19428409315926408562007-06-01T00:18:00.000+05:302007-06-07T17:03:19.744+05:30DELIVERING THE BAD NEWSWhen Mr.. Wilkins answered the door late in the evening one day after he'd lost his wife scuba diving, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen. "We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkins, but we have some information about your wife."<br />"Well...tell me!" he demanded.<br /><br />The policeman said, "We have some bad news, some pretty good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"<br /><br />Fearing the worse, Mr. Wilkins said, "Give me the bad news first."<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but we found your wife's body this morning in San Francisco Bay."<br /><br />"OH MY GOD!," said Mr. Wilkins, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?"<br /><br />"Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her."<br /><br />"Huh?" he said, not understanding. "So, what's the great news?"<br /><br />The policeman smiled, licked his chops, and said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow morning." =))<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-51302423474538050692007-06-01T00:16:00.000+05:302007-06-07T17:03:40.381+05:30LETTERS FROM THE INSIDEAn aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden.<br /><br />The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!"<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns.<br /><br />Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.<br /><br />His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes." =))<br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-27196656196347010582007-06-01T00:15:00.000+05:302007-06-07T17:04:02.325+05:30THE CHIGAGO POLICE DEPARTMENTIn an effort to determine the top crime fighting agency in the country, the president narrowed the field to three finalist, the CIA, the FBI, and the Chicago Police.<br /><br />The three remaining contenders were given the task of catching a rabbit which was released into the forest.<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />The CIA went into the forest. They placed animal informants throughout. They questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation they concluded that rabbits do not exist.<br /><br />The FBI went into the forest. After two weeks without a capture, they burned the forest killing everything in it, including the rabbit. They made no apologies. The rabbit deserved it.<br /><br />The CPD went into the forest. They came out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.<br />The bear was yelling "Okay, Okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit". =))<br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-88487153845895993462007-06-01T00:13:00.000+05:302007-06-07T17:04:22.596+05:30THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A COP WHEN YOU'RE PULLED OVER• I only had one officer Mr. Keg.<br /><br />• Back off Barney, I've got a piece.<br /><br />• Want to race to the station, Sparky?<br /><br />• I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb Hideout!<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />• On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.<br /><br />• You'll never get those cuffs on me...You Pussy!<br /><br />• Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!<br /><br />• Hey, wasn't your daughter a pork queen?<br /><br />• How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.<br /><br />• Hey officer, is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me?<br /><br />• I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!<br /><br />• Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute?<br /><br />• Hey, you must've been doing' about 125mph (200km/h) to keep up with me! Good job!<br /><br />• Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.<br /><br />• I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.<br /><br />• Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?<br /><br />• You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.<br /><br />• "Bad Cop! No Donut!"<br /><br />• I was trying to keep up with traffic.<br /><br />• You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?<br /><br />• "Lets do it different this time... I will give you the breathalyzer test, now stick this in your mouth and blow"<br /><br />• Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on "COPS" last week on TV?<br /><br />• Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriend's bed.<br /><br />• I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket<br /><br />• So, uh, you "on the take", or what?<br /><br />• Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!<br /><br />• Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.<br /><br />• So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little?<br /><br />• Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.<br /><br />• When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile for the camcorder.<br /><br />• Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?<br /><br />• Aren't you one of the Village People?<br /><br />• Hey officer, want to see a trick? Look at your wife! =))<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-42978751775021896362007-06-01T00:11:00.001+05:302007-06-07T17:05:12.734+05:30FLOORING THE FERRARIDoing 120 in a 65, he knew he was in trouble when the cop pulled in behind him with the roof lights on. Figuring he could just lose the cop he floored the Ferrari. 130, 140, 150 and still the cop was right on his tail. 170, 180, still could not ditch the cop. Giving up he pulled over.<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />The cop approached the car," Give me one damn good reason why I shouldn't give you the biggest ticket this world has ever seen"<br /><br />"Well, he stated, " Just last week my wife ran off with a cop."<br /><br />"SO WHAT!!!" the cop screamed.<br /><br />"I thought you were trying to bring her back." =))<br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-73225217500919094242007-06-01T00:09:00.000+05:302007-06-07T17:05:33.150+05:30ONE CHRISTMAS MORNINGOn Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"<br /><br />The kid says, "Yeah."<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.<br /><br />The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"<br /><br />Humouring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."<br /><br />The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top." =))<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-35746876534596095982007-06-01T00:08:00.000+05:302007-06-07T17:06:05.031+05:30AN OLD FARMER AND THE CIRCLE FLIESAn old farmer was hauling a load of manure when he was stopped by a state trooper. "You were speeding," the cop said. "I'm going to have to give you a ticket."<br /><br />"Yep," the farmer said as he watched the trooper shoo away several flies.<br /><br />"These flies are terrible," the trooper complained.<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />"Yep," the farmer said. "Those are circle flies."<br /><br />"What's a circle fly?"<br /><br />"Them flies that circle a horse's ass," answered the farmer. "Them are circle flies."<br /><br />"You wouldn't be calling me a horse's ass, would you?" The trooper angrily asked.<br /><br />"Nope, I didn't," the farmer replied. "But you just can't fool them flies. =))<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-33681114019020547002007-06-01T00:05:00.000+05:302007-06-07T17:06:32.169+05:30SMALL TOWN COPSA police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain."<br /><br />"Quiet!" snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you spend the night in jail until the chief gets back."<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />"But, officer, I just wanted to say,"<br /><br />"And I said be quiet! You're going to jail!"<br /><br />A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you, the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."<br /><br />"Don't count on it," answered the guy in the cell. "I'm the groom." =))<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-72711375008333154142007-06-01T00:04:00.000+05:302007-06-07T17:06:52.016+05:30SHERLOCK HOLMES AND DR. WATSONSherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.<br /><br />Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at thesky and tell me what you see"<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars"<br /><br />"What does that tell you?" enquired Holmes.<br /><br />Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.<br /><br />Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.<br /><br />Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.<br /><br />Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.<br />Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful clear day tomorrow. What does it tell YOU?"<br /><br />Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot, some bastard has stolen our tent" =))<br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-43894862112580727982007-06-01T00:00:00.000+05:302007-06-07T17:07:14.979+05:30DRUNK DRIVING STORIESThree blokes are driving around, drinking beers and having a laugh when the driver looks in the mirror and sees the flashing lights of a police car telling him to pull over.<br />The other two are really worried. "What are we going to do with our beers? We're in trouble!"<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />"No," the driver says, "it's OK, just pull the label off your bottle and stick them on your foreheads, and the bloke pulls over.<br /><br />The police officer then walks up and says, "You lads were swerving all around the road back there. Have you been drinking?"<br /><br />"Oh, no, officer," says the driver, pointing to his forehead, "We're trying to give up, so we're on the patch." =))<br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-34012426828870624342007-05-31T23:57:00.000+05:302007-06-07T17:07:39.639+05:30THE ESCAPED CONVICTAn escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.<br /><br />As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years.<span id="fullpost"><br />Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."<br /><br />"Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you are really cute!" =))<br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-19682743370232988602007-05-31T23:50:00.001+05:302007-05-31T23:51:54.196+05:30Tingkat Kepuasan PriaBerikut hasil survei terbaru yang menganalisa tingkat kepuasan pria saat tidur bersama wanita menurut majalah Ahem! edisi Mei 2007:<br /><br />1. Tidur dengan Wanita Cantik ......... Bangga ½ mati.<br />2. Tidur dengan PSK......... ......... .. Mahal ½ mati.<br />3. Tidur dengan Wanita Jelek....... .....Stress ½ mati.<br />4. Tidur dengan Wanita Hyper....... .....Capek ½ mati.<span id="fullpost"><br />5. Tidur dengan Pacar....... ......... ...Nafsu ½ mati.<br />6. Tidur dengan Istri....... ......... ...mending pura-pura mati. :D<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-1347444019971057872007-05-31T23:40:00.000+05:302007-05-31T23:48:54.540+05:30Crunchy Jokes-5<span style="font-weight:bold;">"Jagal"</span> <br /><br />Kejahatan di ibukota semakin nekat dan brutal sehingga banyak memakan korban yang tidak sedikit jumlahnya berikut ini sekilas cerita nyata yang pantas kita baca. <br /><br />Situasi,seorang polisi berhasil menangkap seorang pelaku (preman 1), kejahatan dengan modus kejahatan pembunuhan keji.<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />Setelah dibawa kepenjara.......<br /><br />preman 2:heh...nyet,tau kagak dia baru bunuh 15 orang dalam atu hari....<br /><br />preman 3:nyang bener njing....gue kagak percaya......<br /><br />preman 2:elo liat aje sendiri,tatonye aje tulisanye JAGAL ape nggak serem tuh....pasti die dihukum lebih lame dari kite....<br /><br />preman 3:iye..ye...kite aje yang tatonye KEMBANG MAWAR aje hukumanye 15 taonan ape lagi die yang tatonye tulisanye JAGAL,pasti dihukum mati...<br /><br />Dua hari kemudian.....<br /><br />preman 2:eh...nyet,tau nggak elo.....SIJAGAL itu udeh bebas sekarang...udeh gitu die juga dapet penghargaan dari polisi, gue denger-denger sih tatonya itu kramat buat die..<br /><br />preman 3:emangnye kenape ame tatonye die,....? ampe die dapet keringaan kayak gitu...udeh jelas-jelas tatonye die JAGAL pasti lama dong hukumenye...<br /><br />preman 2:nyet.....sorry ye kemaren mate gue rada siwer,yang gue baca ditanganye kemaren belon selesai baru JAGAL doang ade sambunganye ..., itu gue tau juga pas gue lagi ngintipin die mandi....<br /><br />preman 3:emang lanjutanye ape njing....??????<br /><br />preman 2:lanjutanye "JAGALAH KEBERSIHAN"..... Itu die yang buat die cepet bebas...nyet =))<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">"Arnold"</span><br /><br />Suatu ketika si Arnold Susahbener, bintang film yang juga memiliki tubuh binaragawan,<br />berkunjung ke Indonesia. Di Indonesia dia pun berkunjung untuk membeli souvenir, termasuk juga buah-buahan. <br /><br /><br />Dia mencari buah-buahan yang tidak terdapat di negaranya. Maka sampailah pada suatu toko buah.<br /><br />Berhubung si penjual buah tidak bisa bahasa Inggris, maka si Arnold terpaksa menggunakan bahasa isyarat.<br /><br />Arnold :<br />"....fruit....this fruit....this big...." (sambil<br />mengangkat tangan kirinya dan bergaya binaraga)<br /><br />penjual : "....ooh....maksudnya Melon..." (si penjual mencarikan buah melon dan memberikannya ke Arnold)<br /><br />Arnold : "....and another fruit.....big fruit and this size......."<br /><br />(sambil menurunkan tangan kanannya dan bergaya binaraga lagi)<br /><br />penjual :"...ooh...buah semangka toh.....ada....." (si penjual kemudian mencarikan<br />sebuah buah semangka)<br /><br />Kemudian terlintas di pikiran Arnold untuk membeli pisang. Dengan susah payah dia<br />menjelaskannya, tetapi tetap saja si penjual nggak ngerti-ngerti.<br /><br />Akhirnya Arnold pun nekad membuka celananya dan menunjukkan "kepunyaannya" untuk menjelaskan si penjual tsb.<br /><br />Arnold : ".....do you know banana......fruit......like this.....???<br /><br />penjual : ".???.....wah......maaf mas.....di sini nggak jual cabe rawit" =))<br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-65450425883988371222007-05-31T23:37:00.000+05:302007-05-31T23:40:15.948+05:30How do Malaysian deals with computer technology?Believe it or not!"<br /><br />hardware= barangkeras<br /><br />software= baranglembut<br /><br />joystick= barangria<br /><br />PLUG AND PLAY= CUCUK DAN MAIN<br /><br />port= lubang<br /><br />server= pelayan<br /><br />client= pelanggan<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />Try to translate this:<br /><br />"That server gives a plug and play service to the clients using either hardware or software joystick. The joystick goes into the port of the client."<br /><br /><br />TRANSLATED:<br /><br />"Pelayan itu beri kepada pelanggannya layanan cucuk dan main dengan mempergunakan barangria jenis keras atau lembut. Barangria itu dimasukkan ke dalam lubang pelanggan." ????????..... =))<br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-39757327036457463992007-05-31T23:30:00.002+05:302007-05-31T23:35:05.375+05:30Kisah si UcokDisebuah RSSSSSSS alias Rumah Sempit Sangat Sederhana Sekali Sehingga Sulit Senggama,<br />tinggallah sebuah keluarga dengan seorang anak si Ucok<br /><br />Pada suatu malam si Bapak ngasi kode ke pada si Mamak.<br /><br />"Mak, lagi mau ni mak".<br /><br />"Ya pak... tengok dulu si ucok, sudah tidur apa belum"<br /><br />Mendapat lampu hijau si Bapak langsung teriak.<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />"Cok... sudah tidur kau cok?."<br /><br />"Belum Pak... lagi ngerjain PR."<br /><br />"Sudah... besok saja, sudah malam, tidur!!!!"<br /><br />Kira kira 10 menit lagi si Bapak teriak lagi.<br /><br />"Cok.... sudah tidur kau cok?."<br /><br />"Belum...."<br /><br /><br />Si Bapak marah dan menonjok si Ucok.<br /><br />"disuruh tidur,,, ya tidur,,, plak" sehingga kening si Ucok benjol.<br /><br /><br />Besoknya disekolah si Ucok ditanyai gurunya, tetang benjol di keningnya. Berceritalah si Ucok dari awal sampai dia ditonjok Bapaknya.<br /><br /><br />Lalu gurunya ngajari Ucok.<br /><br />"Nanti malam,,,, kalau ditanya lagi, kamu diam saja,,, ya."<br /><br />"Ya Bu". jawab si Ucok.<br /><br /><br />Benar saja, dia dengar Bapaknya ngomong sama Mamaknya.<br /><br />"Mak, lagi mau ni mak".<br /><br />"Ya pak,,, tengok dulu si ucok, sudah tidur apa belum"<br /><br /><br />"Cok,,, sudah tidur kau cok?."<br /><br />Si Ucok ingat pesan gurunya, maka dia diam saja, dari pada benjol lagi, dia pura-pura tidur.<br /><br /><br />"Cok,,, sudah tidur kau cok?." ulang Bapaknya, Ucok tetap diam.<br /><br />Karena tidak ada jawaban, maka Bapaknya langsung matikan lampu, maka gelap gulita.<br /><br /><br />Si Ucok setengah mati ketakutan, tapi dari pada benjol, dia tahan ketakutannya.<br /><br /><br />Terjadilah pergumulan antara bapak dan mamak yang tidak diketahui oleh si Ucok.<br /><br />Tak lama kemudian dia dengar suara Bapaknya. <br /><br /><br />"Mak,,, bapak mau keluar ni",<br /><br />"Ya,,, pak kita sama-sama keluar", dia dengan suara mamaknya menjawab.<br /><br /><br />Dengan segera si Ucok bangkit dan berteriak "Mak.........Ucok ikuttttttt" =))<br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7682330257989342405.post-55821613685558261632007-05-31T23:26:00.000+05:302007-05-31T23:28:21.083+05:30Rahasia umur sapi, monyet, anjing, manusia:Di awal zaman, Tuhan menciptakan seekor sapi.<br />Tuhan berkata kepada sang sapi<br />Hari ini kuciptakan kau Sebagai sapi<br />engkau harus pergi ke padang rumput.<br />Kau harus bekerja dibawah terik<br />matahari sepanjang hari.<br />Kutetapkan umurmu sekitar 50 tahun.<br />Sang Sapi keberatan<br />Kehidupanku akan sangat berat selama 50<br />tahun. Kiranya 20 tahun cukuplah<br />buatku. Kukembalikan kepadamu yang 30<br />tahun . Maka setujulah Tuhan.<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />Di hari kedua, Tuhan menciptakan monyet.<br />Hai monyet, hiburlah manusia. Aku<br />berikan kau umur 20 tahun!<br />Sang monyet menjawab "What? Menghibur<br />mereka dan membuat mereka tertawa?<br />10 tahun cukuplah. Kukembalikan 10<br />tahun padamu" Maka setujulah Tuhan.<br /><br />Di hari ketiga, Tuhan menciptakan<br />anjing.<br />Apa yang harus kau lakukan adalah<br />menjaga pintu rumah majikanmu.<br />Setiap orang mendekat kau harus<br />menggongongnya. Untuk itu kuberikan<br />hidupmu<br />selama 20 tahun Sang anjing<br />menolak : "Menjaga pintu sepanjang hari<br />selama<br />20 tahun ? No way.! Kukembalikan 10<br />tahun padamu". Maka setujulah<br />Tuhan.<br /><br />Di hari keempat, Tuhan menciptakan<br />manusia.<br />Sabda Tuhan: "Tugasmu adalah makan,<br />tidur, dan bersenang-senang.<br />Inilah kehidupan. Kau akan<br />menikmatinya. Akan kuberikan engkau umur<br />sepanjang 25 tahun! Sang manusia<br />keberatan, katanya "Menikmati kehidupan<br />selama 25 tahun? Itu terlalu pendek<br />Tuhan.<br /><br />Let's make a deal.<br />Karena sapi mengembalikan 30 tahun<br />usianya, lalu anjing mengembalikan 10<br />tahun, dan monyet mengembalikan 10<br />tahun usianya padamu, berikanlah<br />semuanya itu padaku. Semua itu akan<br />menambah masa hidupku menjadi 75<br />tahun.<br />Setuju ?" Maka setujulah Tuhan.<br /><br />AKIBATNYA... ......... ......... .........<br /><br />Pada 25 tahun pertama kehidupan sebagai<br />manusia dijalankan<br />kita makan,tidur dan bersenang-senang<br /><br />30 tahun berikutnya menjalankan<br />kehidupan layaknya seekor sapi<br />kita harus bekerja keras sepanjang hari<br />untuk menopang keluarga kita<br /><br />10 tahun kemudian kita menghibur dan<br />membuat cucu kita tertawa dengan<br />berperan sebagai monyet yang menghibur<br /><br />Dan 10 tahun berikutnya kita tinggal<br />dirumah, duduk didepan pintu, dan<br />menggonggong kepada orang yang lewat<br />Uhuk, uhuk (batuk)... Eh, Ntong,<br />mo kemane lo? =))<br /><br /><br /><br />Linked to: <a href="http://jrputra.blogspot.com">JRP</a><br /></span>Joni Poetrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05942427456281124769noreply@blogger.com0